Hey, Brooklyn. I don’t know what path you took to get here, but what I do need you to do is hold it right there. Stop for a minute. Think about your next step. We live in a city full of life, energy, excitement, opportunity, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and thus, at times, hesitation.
That’s where I come in. I’ve curated a list of all the best ways to spend your time this weekend. I’ve brought you this far. Won’t you let me take you the rest of the way? All the way to Sunday?
I promise I won’t let you down.
I’ll only let you get down.
THURSDAY
Ramen Railroad Pop-Up at the Diamond in Greenpoint
Yeah yeah, stop trying to make “Thaco Thursday” a thing. It’s not a thing. Do you know what is? Brooklyn’s favorite ramen pop-up making a reappearance for ONE NIGHT ONLY at the Diamond, tonight. Daniel Birnbaum’s Ramen Railroad comes barreling onto Franklin Street to compliment your beers with soupy, savory goodness. Meet me there, let’s have a beer then share noodles and secrets in the gondola. Info here, 6-11pm. 43 Franklin St. #noodlesandsecrets
Mortified at Littlefield in Gowanus
Feeling a little down that maybe you haven’t exactly been “living your best life!” so far in 2018? Well, this will make you feel better. Head to Littlefield tonight for this “excavation of teen angst artifcacts” (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. Because we can all agree, at least, we’ve come a long way since hand jobs and Smirnoff Ice. Tickets, $10 available here. Doors at 7, show at 8. 635 Sackett St. #handjobsandsmirnoffice
Salsa Party at the Brooklyn Museum in Park Slope
Warehouse parties are great for bouncing blindly with your arms in the air and eyelids at half-mast and ecstasy pulsing through your blood. Weddings are great for cha-cha-sliding yourself into a soul train of all your best dance moves, ever. But what do we dance in between? Find out tonight at this salsa party at the Brooklyn Museum. There’s a free lesson at 6pm followed by live music and some sexy, social dancing. 6-930pm. Info here, 200 Eastern Parkway.
FRIDAY
Friday Night Live on the Roof at Output in Williamsburg
Rooftop season is finally upon us and that means we can all get a little bit higher, together. Output opens up its magical top layer, inviting us up to get down, all night, with Roy Ayers’s jazzy, vibraphone melodies. Tickets, $30 available here. See you there. 5pm-10pm, then we move inside and dance all night. 74 Wythe Ave.
Cirque Nouveau at House of Yes in Bushwick
There has always been something appealing about the vagrant, freaky life of circus performers. Just sitting there, pushing buttons all day, dodging loan sharks and making love to bearded ladies and dragons on the bumpy road to their next tented gig. Join the big top this Friday night at Brooklyn’s favorite circus, House of Yes. There will be lioness tamers, misfortune tellers, creepy clowns (great.), contortionists, games of fate and chance, and you, in costume. (it’s required, seek inspiration here.) Costumes required, inspiration here. Free before 11pm, $30 after that. Tickets here. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.
Late Night Movie My Cousin Vinnie, with a side of grits, at Videology in Williamsburg
Why stay in and Netflix and chill with your Tinder little crush of the moment when you can go out, socialize, and watch a true cinema classic at a charming little theater hidden on Bedford Ave? That wasn’t a rhetorical question. Tell me why you would do that. Or, just don’t and instead choose to go to Videology to see My Cousin Vinnie, and watch it with a side of grits, included in the $20 ticket. Buy yours here, get there at 9pm.
SATURDAY
The Taco Takeover at the Expo Center in Greenpoint
My goals for the weekend usually include being wrapped up in some sort of spicy, exotic embrace with a few of my most flavorful friends and to have everyone really excited to see me. Or basically, to become a taco. The Taco Takeover this Saturday is as close as you can get to that goal. Come try tacos from all the best local chefs, bob for churros, hit a pinata, slap some asses, get good and tequila drunk. Tickets, $59 available here. 11am-10pm, in slots. 72 Noble St, at the Brooklyn Expo Center #exposyourself
Justin Jay’s Fantastic Voyage Boat Party in the Hudson River
Take yourself away into a wicked paradise upon the Hudson this Saturday with Justin Jay’s Fantastic Voyage by Wicked Paradise, a badass boat party that you want to be a part of. There will be sunsets, tequila sunrises, and all the bahama mamas you can handle for a fateful 5-hour tour. Go, get your sea legs on and your hips in gear and dance all night. And then after-party for the rest of the night at an undisclosed location. Tickets $55 are going fast and are available here. The boat leaves at 5pm sharp. I do not advise swimming after it, but hey, you do you. Pier 83 W 42nd St.
Air Hockey for Planned Parenthood at Oceans 8 in Prospect Heights
Come #revelwithacause, a damn good cause, this Saturday at Oceans 8 in Prospect Heights. Do not let our anger, frustration, and momentum dull for one second. We desperately need Planned Parenthood. And, I don’t know, I can definitely find a need for air hockey in my life. Go, give a puck. Tickets $20, all proceeds go to Planned Parenthood. Info here, 7-11pm, 308 Flatbush Ave.
Holi Hai Celebration on Governor’s Island
Oh yeah we’re still celebrating the festival of colors here in New York because the only other time we can throw colors on each other are those stupid color runs that have absolutely no cultural significance. The Holi Hai does. Come and celebrate the festival of colors with live music, dancing, dance workshop, drums, and a complete lack of governance there on Governor’s Island. Just, don’t bring your own colors, guys (read the rules). The colors will be provided. And I’m not going to get fucking caught with you again with illegal powdery substances in your pocket. Or, like, not until after this I guess. Info here, noon-7pm. On Governor’s Island.
SUNDAY
It’s my half birthday, today. Which also means it’s the day my debit card secret code is super relevant. Wish me a happy half-birthday, forget the other thing I just said.
Mother’s Day Bluegrass Brunch at Threes Brewing in Gowanus
You’re really fucking cool. You are, you’re cool. I know this because my readers are cool. Therefore, your mother must be really fucking cool too. Like that OG kinda cool. Don’t give her a stuffy brunch for Mother’s Day or any brunchy stuffs. Take her to this event for cool moms and their offspring at Threes Brewing. Live bluegrass, recently alive meats, active flower crowns, bubbly beers. Trust me, it’s what she really wants. Info here, see you there, can’t wait to meet your mom. And have meat with your mom. And give some mums to your mom. And then some… ok sorry, done. 333 Douglass St at Threes Brewing, I’ll try anything thrice.™
Spoons, Toons, and Booze at the Bell House in Gowanus
Why Netflix away your hangover at home when you can watch cartoons and eat ALL THE CEREAL YOU WANT in Gowanus in your jammies with your friends? And make new friends too? Because you’re in your jammies so you’re probably feeling a little open and vulnerable and huggable? It starts at 11:30am. And ok so the jammies are optional but don’t be lame. Just wear them. It’s Spoons and Tunes, now at the Bell House because the Nitehawk was overflowing with milk and tuney hipsters. Info here, 149 7th St. (Hey also. You can add Bailey’s or Kahlua to your cereal, or have a white russian topped with Cocoa Puffs. And you don’t have to tell your mom.)
Go on now, get at it.
<3L.
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