you haven’t made any moves without me, right? like, none? ok cool. because this heat is making new yorkers a little bit crazy. but don’t worry, i’ve made plans for you, brooklyn. and i’m going to hold your hand so that all of your moves will be good ones. (except that new dance move you’ve been doing. i can’t help you there.)
THURSDAY
Grand Street Restaurant Week, Grand St, Williamsburg (mostly)
ah grand st! among the streets most resistant to gentrification in our pubescent neighborhood. let’s embrace it and celebrate it and do so by (i realize i’m completely eating my words here) heading to grand st restaurant week! yep! it has its own. and that’s dope because it’s going to be way cooler than that restaurant week across the pond. every single restaurant on this list is fantastic, but my top picks are le barricou (escargots! and a very french burger!) and bahia (the tilapia al sarden! and of course. i love a good flan). view menus and book your spot here. on grand between union and bushwick aves. #grandstisgrand #admititcomeon
Bad Advice from Bad Women at Word, Greenpoint.
because for all the mischief i am going to assist you in causing this weekend, we need someone else to blame. “no, i didn’t realize i couldn’t be naked here” “i thought no trespassing was a suggestion” “oh the pool is closed??!” point the finger to these 4 bad women. they speak at word books thursday night giving us all a bit of bad advice and i for one will be taking every bit of it. at word books, 126 franklin st. rsvp is encouraged. event starts at 7pm, and then we’re going streaking. bring your green hat.
Baebel Music’s Band + Brews at Industry City, Sunset Park.
if you haven’t been to industry city yet, then i really don’t know why you keep reading these weekend guides. i can’t tell you enough- this area was the new hottness, now it’s starting to cool off… so go quick. football-field sized warehouses create a community right on the water, and this event is plopped right in between two of them. with a courtyard. and food trucks. and brews. and music. and likely a killer sunset. there should be no other questions from you- go. this is why we live in brooklyn. show is free, 7-10pm. all info here, 619 2nd ave. baebel on, baby.
Kreung Cambodian Dinner at The Diamond, Greenpoint.
ah, the constantly evolving, multi-faceted brilliance of the diamond. thursday it enters into the realm of exotic small plate supper club because why the fuck not. seriously. why not. it’s cambodian, it’s khmer, it’s kreung, and its guaranteed to go oh-so-well with that rotating tap of beers you’ve never heard of… and you feel like you drink a lot of microbrews. i love the diamond. and it loves you, and if you’re reading this then you at least tolerate me so we’re just a big love ring. 43 franklin st, 6-10pm. time to get kreunnnng baby.
FRIDAY
THE LAST Summer DJ Boombox Residency, Brooklyn Museum, Prospect Heights.
the brooklyn museum brings its summer dj series into a larger-than-life dreamscape as jasmine solano, zach witness, joe hova, and busquelo blast their tunes on tom sach’s giant boomboxes. it’s a dance party and a museum exhibition all in one, so be ambitious here at the start of your weekend. multi task and dance your ass off and pretend that work is just a figment of your imagination. (set your alarm before you arrive, k?) 6-945pm, free. 200 eastern parkway. they call me mister boombastic.
Tropical Metropolis: One Night in Bangkok, House of Yes, Bushwick.
let your spirit precede you and arrive pure of hurt and dirty of mind at this tropical paradise in bushwick. use your imagination plus whatever means available to create the exotic destination of your wildest desires. free before 11, after tickets can be purchase here. 11-4am, 2 wyckoff ave. come because- what happens in thailand, might as well happen at the fucking house of yes– where the moon is always 3/4 full.
Pancakes and Whiskey’s 3rd Birthday Bash at Rough Trade
if you haven’t heard of pancakes and whiskey then you are going about breakfast all wrong. and lunch. and dinner. and every time in between when not you’re filling your ears with really good fucking music. this poignant and prophetic music blog celebrates its third birthday at rough trade, with a show by the skins. come and let the beautiful tunes drip slowly over your body like its a stack of unleavened bread and then have a shot of whiskey. doors at 8, show’s at 9, tickets here. 64 N 9th st at rough trade- where things always go more smoothly than you think.
SATURDAY
African Food Festival, Dumbo.
a unique outdoor food festival by the river in brooklyn this weekend? count me in, twice. it’s the african food festival in dumbo showcasing cuisines from all over the continent with a focus on vegan and vegetarian dishes (but there will be meats!) plus cooking demonstrations, some rising star african chefs, and an atmosphere they descripe as a “daylong brunch party” also, based on their FAQs section alone, i want to be there. (note: you cannot bring any physical objects to the event. so. lets go naked?) saturday and sunday, 63 flushing ave, tickets start at $20 and include all kinds of surprises, depending on what you pay. noon-8pm.
Bulletin Market Pop-Up, Williamsburg.
because all of our blacktops should be markets before they become something sad. be happy this weekend at the bulletin market in that sacred space on driggs. Games food goods and other good things. before its replaced by granite countertops and mundanity let’s not take it for granted. driggs and n. 8th st. check it out and rsvp here!
The Enchanted Realm of Rene Magritte, Governors Island.
because the only way to get inside his head seems to be to get outside your own, governor’s island brings us a uniquely immersive dive deep into the complex subconscious of rene magritte, surrealist visionary and artistic genius. or mad man. of which there is little difference, of course. the exhibit runs through 25 sept but go now. $15 tickets and info here, at house 17, nolan park, governors island. one thing you won’t regret this weekend- magritte.
PS1 Summer Warm-Up, Long Island City.
This LIC summertime party institution also has a permanent residency on my weekend guide, from now through labor day. so i recommend checking the schedule and either choosing based on the tunes or your own availability (this is not a “oh i have a few hours, i’ll check it out” kind of affair. it will take all of your saturday and at least 3/4 of the mental space of your sunday. and it will all be worth it.) tickets here. i’m already heatin’ up.
oh and don’t forget to check out the tent of secrets, located in the back of the arboretum in the sculpture garden.
Machine Gun America, part of Fringe Fest, in Manhattan!
it’s not everyday that you have a friend who’s play beat out 800 other entires to fringe fest. and that it was written up by the wall street journal. and it’s not everyday that that friend also has exceptionally (even curiously!) well-groomed eyebrows. well then these are really fucking special days because all three of those things have happened. come see Machine Gun America, what is bound to be a hilariously satirical play on our country’s ‘enduring affair with firearms’. showtimes and tickets can all be found here. this is your reason to cross the river this weekend, so use it. or lose it. bitch.
Sammy Bananas at Brooklyn Bowl, Williamsburg.
this guy. is. so. fucking. good. go bananas, get slippery, peel out, slice yourself up over a bowl of cheerios i don’t really care at this point GO GO GO. bananas. in pajamas. and come down those stairs saturday night at brooklyn bowl, 61 wythe ave. at brooklyn bowl- where the only thing you’ll be spared is the bowling.
SUNDAY
Bark in the Park at Brooklyn Cyclones Game, Coney Island.
it’s bring your pet to the cyclones game night, and they are playing the black bears. never in my life have i ever met a coincidence so positively fortuitous that i would actually consider bringing my monster of a bear cat into public. and with beers close-by (he’s recovering… from last night). regardless i’ll be there. with or without my furry friend. schedule and tickets here, 1904 surf ave, at the brooklyn cyclones- get twisted, have a ball!
Moon and Menses, The Hollows, Williamsburg.
women don’t just want to pretend we are more astronomically complex and cosmically relevant than you are (and you know who you are), but it’s the truth. we are. come to the hollows, among brooklyn’s newest and most innovative art spaces in … to hear about cases of menstrual synchronization while hearing some minstrel harmonization. sunday’s meditation session focuses on connecting the the sacred feminine. session is free form 9-1010pm. for other events and info, seek here. 151 bedford ave. at the hollows- where you never feel empty.™
RIVER STYX Farewell Party, Greenpoint.
meatballs!!! this is only goodbye for a little while… just for a little while. as a tribute to the restaurant that brought us secret meatball sundays and also increased our chances of having a beer with bill murray (but aren’t we all kind of always about to have a beer with bill murray?) riverstx is shuddering its doors, for a bit, this monday. so let’s go down with the ship on sunday and send the of in style. come commemorate and commiserate and coagulate from 00000 so much so that we will not e able to bring another meatball to our lips or cocktail to our throats until they open their doors to reveal a reimagined riverstyx in a few months time. celebration goes on all day,
and then lets all put aloe on our sunkissed skins and slip into a dreamland where monday doesn’t exist and everything is the beach and everybody eats peaches, all the time.
and we’re never late.
and there’s no pokemon.
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