A Message From Brooklyn, I’m Trying regarding the Coronavirus:
How many of these have flooded your inboxes the past few days? And, I suppose I’ll have a message too- the message is, I don’t have a clue what we should do. I’ve helped narrate your way through both blizzards (back when those were a thing) and far past “stay inside!” warning-wielding heat waves, past the E. Bola scare (let’s face it- The Gutter needed a government-warranted deep-clean) and into the great unknown that became the Trump presidency. But this? I don’t know what to tell you. Other than to be cautious, be clean, makeout with only the people who you really want to makeout with and maybe think twice about visiting grandma the next day, ok? You’re foolish and young and further lovestruck with every shot of tequila you consume…
Let’s be honest with ourselves and recognize that our actions can and do reflect others. However, if you recognize that the city is a living, breathing organism itself, one that requires the passing exchanges of strangers and friends and lovers alike, well then… here are some things you can do, until perhaps we are all contained.
(although- “New Yorkers- CONTAINED!” is just a headline I cannot imagine…)
Things to do in Brooklyn on Thursday
Hartstop Party and Market at Rubulad in Bushwick
Because if there was ever a reason for Brooklynites to come together in honor of the things they hold dear- especially, congregating together for the profound sake of the artists and artisans that bring life to this place- then it would be a happening brought into fruition by Hartstop, via Rubulad, this Thursday night. They’ll be taking over their mystical party space and filling it with love and magic and music and food and art and tattoos and more. Fill your heart until you can feel the hartstop. $8 gets you into the party, and it’s where you want to be. Info here. Address released with ticket purchase.
Mortified at Littlefield in Gowanus
Admitting to your friends that you ditched out early because no, you didn’t feel “coronavirus-y” but it was actually diarrhea is, well, kinda embarrassing. But desperate times call for desperate opportunities to tell lies… I get it. This will/might make you feel better. Head to Littlefield tonight for this “excavation of teen angst artifacts” (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. Because we can all agree, regardless of everything, we’ve come a long way since handjobs and Smirnoff Ice. Tickets, $10 available here. 7:30-9:30pm, afterparty at Parklife (don’t embarrass yourself.) 635 Sackett St. #handjobsandsmirnoffice
Salt, Smoke, Time 1st Anniversary Party at Archestratus in Greenpoint
I think it would be helpful for us all to spend some time getting back to the land and sustainable food practices that have made our country one that can not only nourish our people but can give them so many choices about said nourishment. And most of these choices, despite what McDonald’s wants you to believe, require salt, smoke, and time. As a Virginia ex-pat and ham-devotee, I whole-heartedly respect, consume, and appreciate this process. Come hear about it from the best as they celebrate the 1st anniversary of their book with the same name, along with a discussion panel and an arancini accompaniment that only Paige LiPari could provide. Get your tickets here now. 6:30-8:30pm. 160 Huron St.
Y2K Dirty Thursday at House of Yes in Bushwick
Remember that time we all freaked out that technology was going to break given its inability to predict that at some point, all the clocks would be resetting to say 00-00-00?! Oh, how feeble our idea of breaking the internet or rampant societal dangers was back then. In honor of Y2K, let’s get down and dirty this Thursday night and go back to a time where the comfort of our digital time-keepers seemed to be our biggest concern. It’s a Y2K party at House of Yes, so come dressed and ready to dance accordingly. (Don’t worry- they’re selling Calvin Klein bras, neon scrunchies, and Kaboodles at Urban Outfitters now so, this is a costume you can pull off.) It’s free all night. Info here. 2 Wyckoff Ave.
Things to do in Brooklyn on Friday
Have a damn Good Night at Good Bar and Good Room in Greenpoint
Everyone seems a little fearful, a little cautious, a little suspicious perhaps of having a good time this weekend. But until we are all captured and quarantined, a good, clean time is our right and responsibility. Get yours on Friday night first at Good Bar, the new vinyl-spinning bar occupying that magical triangle at the top of Bedford Ave, and then carry that good time all the way to Good Room, on Meserole Ave. They welcome Martyn and his friends all the way from Detroit to unite our two prolific electronic music scenes. Go, have a good time. Tickets here. 10pm-5am.
Scenes from a Vegan Italian Restaurant at Magick City in Greenpoint
Sure, maybe an all-vegan meal seems lame to you, but let’s put it this way- none of the plants are Corona-carriers AND, there is absolutely nowhere in the city where you can find a 6-course meal for $60- with an additional $10 added with wine pairings. Open your mind and body and realize all of the magick to be found in a plant-based diet, or, at least, let Magick City help convince you. It’s happening Friday night and there will be a DJ and on-site produced kombucha because this is Brooklyn. Tickets here. 7pm-midnight, 37 Box St.
Seven Deadly Sins at Company XIV in Bushwick
Looking for a way to sin harder and faster and stronger and infinitely cooler than whatever someone convinces you to do on St Patrick’s Day in Hoboken this weekend? Seven Deadly Sins at Company XIV will fill your head and heart and body with all of the desires that inherently accompany these things that we mustn’t fall victim to… and then will show you just how good it feels to indulge. Company XIV is some of the very best theater I have ever seen performed in this city, and they’re doing it in an intimate space in Bushwick that brings you directly, and not unwillingly, into the performance. Come and commit some sins this weekend. Tickets here. Confession booth upon exit, so, just let it all go.
Ron Like Hell at Nowadays in Ridgewood
I once worked at Bloomingdale’s with a girl who used to be a toilet-seat buyer for Bed, Bath, and Beyond… “There is no seasonality for toilet seats,” I remember her telling me. And that really made me question things as I unwrapped thousands of tiny, coveted Juicy Couture charms to be cataloged and photographed. Here’s another story of a buyer- it’s the one about that guy who used to be the main buyer for Academy Records in Greenpoint who has now become one of the most iconic DJs in the Queer music movement in Brooklyn and the one who is playing Friday night, at Nowadays. Ron will be spinning tunes to keep you moving and grooving all night so get your tickets here now and trust that their toilet seats will be the same Friday night as they will in the summertime too.
Things to do in Brooklyn on Saturday
You have a choice here, folks. Saturday is when green-beer-thirsty monsters will descend upon our fair town in search of mayhem…
Or you can choose instead to celebrate Pi Day at my favorite pie places in Brooklyn.
Pi Day at Pies and Thighs in Williamsburg
Don’t think you’ll be the only one to have this clever idea. You won’t be. But that won’t make it any less satisfying or not worth the wait. The best fried chicken and the very best pies in the borough needs no additional calculations or second thoughts. Go. Eat. Make observations about the radius of the biscuits, or don’t. You’ll still be celebrating properly. 166 South 4th St.
Or, Celebrate Pi Day at Four & Twenty Blackbirds in Gowanus – 439 3rd Ave.
Or you can even do it at Pie Corps in Greenpoint – 77 Driggs Ave.
Prom Forever at Our Wicked Lady in Bushwick
I mean hey… if we’re going to be on lockdown, can we choose a place and a time period? What about prom night, forever? But obviously we’re older and with better style and cooler partners to choose from and way better DJs. Come test your luck and fall into what might be an evening that will go on indefinitely. It’s a benefit for Rock ‘n Roll Retreat NYC so go and #revelwithacause this Saturday night. They’ll have good tunes and a photo booth and flash tattoos and dancing and plenty of opportunities to get lucky and pretend like it’s the first time, or whatever you want to pretend it’s like. Get tickets here now. 7:30pm-3am, 153 Morgan Ave.
Whiskey Stories at the Love Shack in Bushwick
Only good things can come from drinking whiskey in the dark with strangers. Trust me, but please don’t inquire. Get all of this magic plus food pairings at Whiskey Stories, an immersive whiskey-paired dinner at a hidden little spot in Bushwick. You’ll be blindfolded and led through the event by whiskey specialist and comic storyteller Rachna Hukmani. Get frisky this Saturday. Tickets are $95 and going fast… available here. 161 Stockholm St.
Perpetuum and Izakaya at A/D/O in Greenpoint
Yep, I’m still bummed that BMW took the Brooklyn Bazaar away from us (in its original space) but I can’t deny that having the backing of a luxury car brand can’t bring some damn nice things into that fateful warehouse space in Greenpoint. Like this, an art installation that alters your understanding of color, space, time and self, and (thankfully) doesn’t feel like it’s made for Instagram. An art installation for the sake of art! Oh my! Go and experience Perpetuum this weekend (it’s only here until the 17th!) and then have some izakaya with friends at Rule of Thirds, Greenpoint’s new expansive yet absolutely authentic Japanese small-plate haven. Info here. 29 Norman Ave.
Would You Rather at Friends and Lovers in Prospect Heights
Let’s face it- there’s a hell of a lot up in the air right now. Would you rather be quarantined for 3 weeks with 20 of your friends in a railroad apartment, or for one night with all of your former and current lovers? Would you rather have to continue “normal” life in a hazmat suit for the next six months with a mandated distance of 10 feet from everyone, or have four more years of Trump? Would you rather save Tom Hanks or Italy? Come to Friends and Lovers Saturday night to hear a group of comedians be forced to answer similarly incriminating questions on stage. It’s Would You Rather, Live! It’s a comedy show and we could all use a laugh, even if it’s muffled behind a weird mask. Info here. Then head to 641 Classon Ave. Info here.
Things to do in Brooklyn on Sunday
Dinner + a Movie: Korean Cuisine and a screening of Parasite in Greenpoint
I know you’re dying to read whatever quippy quip I’m about to write about this event I’ve created, but first BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW for the film. It’s playing in a 54-seat antique theater, so spots are going quickly. And then I want you head over to Little Dokebi with that creepy, ravenous look in your eyes before the film and enjoy Greenpoint’s most authentic Korean bites. And then I want you to come find me at Lake Street after your dinner-and-a-movie adventure and thank me for making your Friday night fucking awesome. (I accept tequila shots.) Film Noir is located at 122 Meserole St. Find Little Dokebi at 85 Driggs Ave.
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