The Weekend Guide | 13-16 December 2018

You hear that buzzing, Brooklyn? Come a little closer. That’s all the magic and wonder and energy beaming from your weekend guide, right now. This weekend will take you into outerspace, for a night or maybe forever, will give you that first addictive taste of Ibiza in the middle of Bushwick, will welcome you to America and help you search for Queens in Maspeth, and will solidify your spot on the naughty list with a kinky burlesque twist on a Christmas classic.

There isn’t much time. Let’s do this.

Things to do in Brooklyn on THURSDAY

Phosphorescent with Liz Cooper & The Stampede play Brooklyn Steel in Greenpoint

Is there anything better than this song? Not for me. And to hear that song played at the best venue in the city, along with a lot of other songs by Phosphorescent and Liz Cooper & The Stampede along with you and all of your friends means a night of pure magic. Tickets are still available for tonight’s show, get yours here now then head to The Drift for pre-show whiskey shots and then to Brooklyn Steel. Doors are at 7, show starts sometime after that.

Tadale’s Fire Kitchen Vegan Pop-Up at the Diamond in Greenpoint

Overheard yesterday on Manhattan Ave from a guy talking too loud on his iPhone, “Oh yeah! Brian said you’re doing Vegan now!” Let’s all “do vegan” this Thursday night at the Diamond. Try it on for size, no strings attached with Tadale’s Fire Kitchen’s pop-up dinner. Bright flavors and amazing Indian-inspired dishes will have you wanting to “do vegan” more often. Regardless, it all tastes better washed down with one of Diamond Dave’s carefully selected microbrews AND a shot of whiskey. Because they’re doing liquor now. So get schwastey and then meat me in the gondola. No, that was not a typo. Yes, it was inappropriate. Deal with it, this is my space. Info here, 6:30-10:30pm. 43 Franklin St.

Things to Do in Brooklyn on FRIDAY

MoMA PS1 Artist Holiday Party in Long Island City

There’s a reason we left home. We hungry pioneers flocked to the promised land of Breukelen in search of mischief and excitement and movement and art and drugs and love and artisanal baked goods. And what does that mean around the holiday season? It means that instead of overdone tacky Christmas house parties and suburban cookie swaps, we get to go and get festive as fuck at an artists holiday party in a lifesized snow globe while dancing all night to 5 dope djs and drink dangerously spiked holiday cocktails and eat the most artisanal of treats from La Newyorkina and mulled wine from Pumphouse Wines and if we need a break, we can wander around a world-renowned modern art museum at night and get lost with old lovers and new lovers and get your merry on. Tickets are $15 available here. Party goes from 8-midnight. 22-25 Jackson Ave.

Gala Galactica at House of Yes in Bushwick

Christmas in New York is filled with crowded holiday markets, touristy storefront displays, tightening shipping windows and uncomfortable office parties. It all presents a festive level of stress that we sometimes just need to rise above. Space out from the merry mayhem and blast off into another galaxy at the Gala Galactica at House of Yes on Friday. This is your invitation to utopia, your evening of intergalactic art, celestial elegance and deep space dancefloor exploration. Wear your most glamorous galactic styles, dress as your future perfect self. Dance all night. Free with an RSVP before 11pm, or buy your $30 tickets here. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.

A/D/O Holiday Market in Greenpoint

Now this is ironic. I know what you’re thinking- dude, just get over the Brooklyn Bazaar being bought out by BMW and then becoming this bougiue boutiquey we work masking as a cafe and design studio moving in. And I am. I am over it. However, this Saturday and Sunday they’ll transform into a Holiday Market, hoping to bring in the masses who are still missing that late-night haven for artisans and local foods and live music and people who will be begging the question “WELL THEN why the FUCK did you do this in the first place??” I mean, whoever those people are. And stuff. Info here. Honestly, it’s probably cool.

Things to Do in Brooklyn on SATURDAY

Output is Closing so Party There Until the End.

Williamsburg is lost. But it was found once, inside the industrial, Berlin-esque space with a state-of-the-art soundsystem, world-class djs, a hip but not pretentious rooftop, and the best parties in Brooklyn. Now it will be leaving us, shuddering its doors forever starting Jan 1st and transitioning into something depressing. Like a baby Gap. Come do all the drugs and all the dancing and kiss everyone you see and let’s go down with the ship and then leave Williamsburg to continue with its meatpacking transition. This weekend’s event details are here. Be there. 74 Wythe Ave. At Output, you have to put out to get in.

Bedouin presents SAGA at Avant Gardner in Bushwick

So maybe you think the whole Ibiza thing is a little overdone. Maybe you feel like you can party your ass off here in New York and there’s no need to fly off to a magical party island in the middle of the Mediterranean where the clubs get going at 2am and don’t stop until you do. And you don’t stop. Maybe you just don’t get it. Get a little of it Saturday night at Avant Gardner, Brooklyn’s most Ibiza-esque venue as they welcome Ibiza’s own Bedouin. let the music get in you, let the dancing overcome you, let your heart and mind and body realize that this little taste isn’t enough and you will come with me to Ibiza next September. Start resting up now. Tickets are selling out fast. Get yours here and party on from 10pm-6am at 140 Stewart Ave.

Nutcracker Rouge at Company XIV in Bushwick

Be honest with yourself. There’s no more need for the “naughty or nice” bit this year. You’re getting coal and switches (ooh!) this year and that was pretty much determined before the end of 2017. So let’s get really good and naughty here as Christmas approaches by going to this dirty iteration of a Holiday classic. It’s the Nutcracker Rouge, a kinky burlesque cabaret ballet that reinterprets the classic coming-of-age tale as one of sexual awakening. It runs now through 1/13 but go before Christmas. Don’t ruin it for yourself next year. Tickets are $75 and are available here. 383 Troutman St.

Coming To America Themed Party at the Knockdown Center in Maspeth

It’s been 30 years since this classic descended upon the royal borough of Queens and into our hearts so come celebrate with a special screening and immersive experience at the Knockdown Center. Come dressed as your favorite character (or with an overall 80s vibe), enjoy snacks and drinks inspired by the film, dancing all night and activities to make you feel like you are royalty and have recently arrived upon this sacred and foreign land. Plus, you could win a trip to Africa. Tickets $30 available here. Screening from 7-10pm, party goes until 4am. 52-19 Flushing Ave.

Ugly Sweater Art Run in Williamsburg

In the age of fusion everything, it seems that any singular-dimensional event is simply of the past. I want my strippers to come with a side of sushi! I need to do my laundry while playing arcade games and drinking in a dive bar with my friends! I want to be fully immersed and enticed and confused and over-stimulated! I need to flaunt my tacky sweater while taking in as much street art as possible and also, working out! I need this. It’s my Christmas wish. Well baby, you got it. It’s the ugly sweater art run and it’s happening this Saturday in Williamsburg. This 5K run takes you through the wonderous streets of north Brooklyn while we all sweat in our sweaters and secrete last year’s egg nog. Sign up here for $25, 10am-noon. Meet at the Mccarren Park Hotel, 160 N. 12th St.

Things to Do in Brooklyn on SUNDAY

Christmas Vacation at Stuart Theater in Greenpoint

We all have our own way of getting in the spirit. One of my favorite ways is watching this Christmas classic (usually a few times) before Christmas and I swear it gets funnier every year. So put on your dickies, wrap up the cat, get drunk on egg nog and pre-spend that bonus on a pool. And then head to the NEW Stuart Theater for a free screening this Sunday. Multiple times, check the schedule here. 79 West St.

Outdoor Curling and Winter Beer Garden at Parklife in Gowanus

Curling up with a good book by the fire in Winter is nice. Being outside with a frosty beer (or mulled wine!) in your hand, being uneccessarily competitive while playing a sport you’ve never played is the way you should be spending your Sunday. Parklife in Gowanus has an outdoor curling rink so you can try your hands at this super weird activity, and if nothing else, you’ll whip those sweeping muscle into shape and cut apartment cleaning time in half. It happens on Sundays. Info here.

Sugar and Spice Holiday Market at the Brooklyn Bazaar in Greenpoint

Christmas. Is. Coming. And that Christmas list is looming upon you whether you’ve been naughty or nice. Come to the Sugar and Spice Holiday Makers Market and both start and finish your shopping with handmade goods and indie gifts from local makers. Plus a free winter wonderland photobooth, by-donation tarot reading, and a full fucking bar means there’s a little something there for you too, you naughty little elf. Free entry (plus goodie bag for the first 20 customers!), 1-6pm, all info here. 150 Greenpoint Ave.