City love. It’s visceral. It’s irrepressible. It’s all around us because let’s face it, such is life here. There is no privacy, there is no retreat. And we find that we are all searching for it, that city love. We are all, always, on the prowl. Where is it. Who is he. What’s she like. Could that be for me?
City love. It’s elusive. It overtakes us, it displaces us. It forces us to pause indefinitely because of train traffic ahead of us. It’s public embraces, it’s the single silhouette of two, in the glow of any apartment on any street in any neighborhood. And some day, it will cause you to find yourself crying by yourself, among strangers, on the subway.
City love. It can be yours, they say, if you stop looking for it and instead, start doing what you love. That’s what it said on a card that I have kept on my desk for 8 years and 7 job changes and admittedly, at least 12 fairly serious relationships.
So, stop looking for it. And start doing all of the amazing things that will convince you that the city is yours; that you are in the right place, at the right time.
I can show you how.
Munchies Cookbook Club at Archestratus in Greenpoint
Get the munchies with your friends this Thursday night at Archetratus. It’s their monthly cookbook club meeting, which is basically a themed potluck dinner that centers around a different cookbook each time. This week’s we’ll all be cooking up something special from the Munchies Guide to Dinner, so you know it will be delicious and fun and better than whatever you were thinking about cooking tonight. So cook and then come and make sure you put that trusty little piece of masking tape with your name on it on the bottom of your dish; potluckers have notoriously sticky fingers. (I’m kidding, but my mom definitely didn’t trust anyone at my church growing up) Info here. 7-9pm, 160 Huron St.
Tell Two Trees where to put their Two Towers at this meeting in Williamsburg
Hey. Have you been to Domino Park recently? Have you seen that massive, interactive mural they installed to distract us from the fact that they are throwing up massive skyscrapers with no hesitation as to who the hell will move into the mostly vacant skyscrapers that are already there, nor the very necessary need for additional infrastructure to support these overwhelming structures? Well, the lovely people at Two Trees (you know, the guys that Scabby likes to follow around) will be holding a meeting to introduce us to their tower proposal, which, for the record, we simply don’t need. Let’s tell them that. RSVP here, it’s happening from 6:30-8:30pm at 240 Kent Ave.
Things to do in Brooklyn on Friday
There’s almost no reason you shouldn’t be doing all of the things I’ve already perfectly planned for you this Friday night right here, in my 2020 Valentine’s Day Guide…
Unless of course, you have some weird fetish that you can no longer contain…
Fetish Party at House of Yes in Bushwick
Hey listen, I get it. You’re into some weird shit, sexually. And in case you feel like Valentine’s Day dinner isn’t the place to bring it up, just wear your latex under your dress and bring your spiked collar and convince your date to head to House of Yes afterward… or just go without him. Because you can’t, and don’t have to, contain your true desires any longer. Tickets and info here. Costumes required. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.
Or you just really hate Valentine’s Day.
It’s Friday, I’m (not) In Love Party at Littlefield, Gowanus
Valentine’s Day is annoying. There’s nothing worse than receiving a dozen red roses and a Russell Stover’s sampler from your “person” on February 14th and wondering if he’s ever listened to a fucking word you’re saying. Valentine’s Day is not real. Heartbreak is real. Ghosting is real (and effective!) Making love in the bathroom is real. Celebrate real love or the lack thereof this Friday night at Littlefield. Wear all black, prizes for creativity. $6-10, party starts at 10:30pm. all info here. 635 Sackett St.
Makossa joins Almost Too Much at Magick City in Greenpoint
What happens to your favorite cookout party group in the wintertime? Do they hibernate? Does the glow of the coals turn a cold, frosty grey? Does anything get shoved between their buns at all? Come and find all of the magickal answers to those questions this Friday night at Magick City. Makossa will be bringing the summer party indoors and partnering with Almost Too Much to throw an amazing dance party, all night. Stop by Le Fanfare first for a custom cocktail made by yours truly (ps I use “custom” quite loosely here). Tickets and info here. 11pm-4am at 37 Box St.
Things to do in Brooklyn on Saturday
Phil Collins Day at Greenpoint Beer and Ale
Things that Greenpoint loves- Phil Collins, locally-brewed beer, and long-awaited openings. Come and celebrate all of these things at the same time this Saturday! It’s Phil Collins Day at the FINALLY open Greenpoint Beer and Ale. They’ll have a live cover band, tons of records and memorabilia, and raffle prizes. Confused about why Greenpoint loves Phil so much? After Brooklyn claimed an official Day after the beloved singer in 2011, Greenpoint parade on this day through the neighborhood, complete with a live, marching cover band. And Greenpoint Ale is just trying to bring that spirit back. Come, help. It’s free and starts at 3pm. Info here. 1150 Manhattan Ave.
Nasty Baby Strip Club Takeover by House of Yes in Midtown West
Because I swear me and the writer over at House of Yes share the same voice, I’ll just let them take it from here: Valentine’s Weekend is upon us, which means expensive dinners, cheesy gifts, and underwhelming sex. Instead, invest your money into something of real value: STRIPPERS. Nasty Baby returns on Saturday February 15 – our infamous strip club takeover where we remodel a manhattan strip club into everything a strict club should be: inclusive, sex-positive, gender-fluid, sex-worker affirming, flesh-filled utopia.
Go. Dance. Celebrate nudity. Tickets and info here. This party is NOT at House of Yes- it’s at 603 W. 45th St, which makes it your only #reasontocrosstheriverthisweekend
The Last Dance Party at Humboldt & Jackson in Williamsburg
It’s so sad when great places close in this town, but I must say, this one is especially bittersweet. Our wonderful friends at H&J will be turning their amazing space over to the Meat Hook to give them their first-ever stand-alone restaurant, which means only good, meaty things to come in the future. But go down with the ship in style this Sunday night with their “Save the Last Dance” Dance Party. It’s free and it’s fun it deserves you to pay it some funky homage before it leaves us. Info here. 434 Humboldt St.
Grand Street Restaurant Week, Williamsburg
Ah, restaurant week in New York- a highly anticipated and seemingly a great way to have a new experience for a great value! …And then you get there and it’s overrun with people who don’t know how to dine out and the food lets you down and everyone is on top of each other and you order too many drinks to deal with your frustration and then you’re paying way way more than anticipated for a mediocre experience… which I guess is also exactly what it’s like to live in Manhattan. Let’s just do this shit our own way. It’s Grand Street Restaurant Week, and just as every time you’ve ever subbed one experience for another across the river, it will be so much grander on our side. 15 amazing restaurants, it starts on TUESDAY but get your reservations in now. all info you need is here, including menus! Along Grand St.
Things to do in Brooklyn on Sunday
Tiki Disco at House of Yes in Bushwick
When your favorite party group and your favorite venue/family in Brooklyn get together, you go. And you dance. And you revel in the pure unadulterated joy that you live in a place where events like this exist. Tiki Disco hits House of Yes for their last indoor party of the season before we can all party under the moonlight with them all summer long. Besides, Monday is “President’s Day.” Let’s show respect for that dick bag we have in office and be hungover as shit and completely worthless and still somehow be more productive than he is. Tickets and info here, $15-20. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.
Mouse Taxidermy at Quimby’s Bookstore in Williamsburg
God bless you, Brooklyn. This weekend marks the return of one of my favorite events of all time- that’s right folks, it’s mouse taxidermy! Our best chance this weekend to reduce that frightening 3:1 rodent to human ration in this city (no joke, you’re never more than 20 feet from one…) (GAHHHHHHH.) In the back of the always charming and quirky Quimby’s bookstore this Sunday, you’ll be led through a beginner’s taxidermy course led by Daisy Tainton, who worked at the Museum of Natural History for over a decade and promises she’s handled a lot nastier shit than dead mice during her career. So go, shake her hand, and leave with your own little mousey sculpture (props available!) Also, I can’t completely confirm this, but in the past she’s offered an extra mouse head for an additional $50. So bring $50 just in case. All info here. Also bring your cat. Show him you really are on his side. 536 Metropolitan Ave.
Hotbox Mobile Sauna Pop-Up in Bushwick
Was your red-hot weekend of love a little lukewarm this year? Don’t fret it, baby… sweat it. Our favorite little hot box will be opening its doors (but you know, just like for a quick moment each time) this Sunday so you can get hot with some strangers. Hot Box is a traveling sauna and it’s guaranteed to cure those winter blues and the chill in your bones and potentially the loneliness in your heart. Reserve your spot here, and maybe just hold onto your sauna hat unless you see other people wearing them. 2-6pm. 26 Vandervoort Pl.
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