Hey Brooklyn. It’s what’s inside that counts. I’ve found all of the magic and mystery and mischief that we were promised to find in this town.
It’s the the first weekend in August, somehow, already. So ignore your schedule. Let your responsibilities be damned, because trust me when I say they’ll be waiting for you, armed and ready, come autumn. But for now, be distracted by all of the lovely things this city has to offer. Don’t worry, I’ll be your guide and also your alibi… because that’s what I’m here for. So go forth, young Brooklynites, and weekend.
THURSDAY
Eggplant Parm Night at Archestratus in Greenpoint
“There are things you do because they feel right & they may make no sense & they may make no money & it may be the real reason we are here: to love each other & to eat each other’s cooking & say it was good.” And as such was eggplant parm night in a bookstore in Greenpoint. Owner and chef Paige Lumpari brings all of her Sicilian magic to the table tonight at Archestratus books for eggplant parm night. Yes, it’s exactly like it sounds, plus beer and wine and they’ll be playing Eurythmics all night. So go get your fix. Make a res here now. 7-9pm. 160 Huron St.
Pizza, Wine, and Movie Night at Rooftop Reds in the Brooklyn Navy Yard
Remember when they tried to remake Jumanji without visionary Robin Williams and instead with some ex-pro wrestler and replaced the board game with a video console and as such sucked every ounce of the imagination out of this book-turned-film? Yeah, me neither. Come keep not remembering what they did to this classic atop a rooftop winery in the Brooklyn Navy Yard, with pizza and also all of your friends. Rooftop Reds plays Jumanji tonight. Get your ticket here, which includes a glass of wine and two slices. More wine for purchase. Enter at 299 Sands St, find building #275. Climb stairs. Sit, sip, watch, feel alive.
Proudly Inauthentic Diaspora Cooking at the Museum of Food and Drink in Williamsburg
If New York is a melting pot, we are all bringing a little bit of the spice and flavor of the place from where we came, mixing in our heritage and everything we’ve learned along the way. Come and eat your way through the journey that brought top chef Filipino-American Dale Talde here to Brooklyn. He’ll share stories and flavors and I really hope some sisig with all of us Thursday night. Get your tickets here now. 6:30-8:30pm, 62 Bayard St.
Free Cookies and French Pastry Lesson with Banana Farm in Gowanus
Who says there’s no such thing as a free lunch? Decide your lunch is cookies and recognize that time is relative and it will all be free for you today. The lovely folks at the Banana Farm will open their doors to you and share their love of French pastries with a free cooking lesson and free cookies and free love. Just get there. Info here. 7-830pm, 98 4th st.
FRIDAY
Crawfish Boil and Cocktail Party at Moto Spirits Distillery in Bushwick
Be fucking shellfish and live your best life Friday night at this ragin’ cajun cocktail party. It’s a crawfish boil at a whiskey distillery in Bushwick (a wicksey distillery? hmmm?) and it’s where you want to be eating and drinking this Friday night. Tickets are only $18 so get yours here now then get your little crustacean butt to 93 Forrest St.
Green Velvet presents Lalaland at Brooklyn Mirage in Bushwick
I don’t understand why you’re wasting your time dancing anywhere other than the Brooklyn Mirage at any moment in time this summer. Except I guess in your skivvies in front of the mirror at home alone. I understand that. However, all other moves should be made at Brooklyn’s most epic outdoor venue. This Friday they needlessly tempt you by inviting Chicago’s favorite Lalaland party, and that doesn’t really make any difference. Just trust me when I say this is the place you need to be before evil wintertime shudders its doors. Tickets $35 available here. 140 Stewart Ave.
The Brooklyn Tattoo Expo at the Brooklyn Expo Center in Greenpoint
Make your bad decisions last a lifetime at the Brooklyn Tattoo Expo this weekend. Come talk your way off the fence by being in the presence of a bunch of people who want to make you their canvas. Over 100 tattoo artists and apparently, not one graphic designer (see above). Tickets are $15. Get yours here, or go to any tattoo parlor. At any time. Anywhere. Or follow that harrowing, bone-numbing buzzing sound to 72 Noble St. #EXPOseyourself
SATURDAY
Degrawfest at Littlefield in Gowanus
We came here to be artists, to be dreamers, to be creators, to be lovers not haters. Come to the festival that celebrates all of that and who we are at Littlefield this Saturday. The second annual Degraw Fest celebrates Brooklyn-based artists and brings you into the spirit and energy that brought you here in the first place. So go there. Live music all day, Sixpoint brews, pop-up Howlin’ Tacos. Tickets and info here. 635 Sackett St.
Isle of Dogs with Jupiter’s Brandy (that’s a drink) at Videology in Williamsburg
Think about stop motion animation. Just stop and don’t move and think about it for a minute. And then think about how long that would take to create a 90-minute film that combines the wild imagination of Wes Anderson and beautifully captures the spirit of childhood and the love and intellect of animals and realize that you are somehow unworthy to even watch this film. Then buy a ticket and go and watch it anyway, while drinking a glass of Jupiter’s Brandy at Videology in Williamsburg. Tickets, $24 include the brandy and are available here. Film begins at 9:15. 308 Bedford Ave.
Coney Island Brewery’s 3rd Anniversary Bash
Coney Island. The epicenter of all that is funky and weird and freaky and unabashedly brazen in Brooklyn. And that’s fucking saying something. Come relieve yourself of the Instagram Mecca that has become Williamsburg. Get uncomfortable. See some shit. Get some sand in your asscrack. And do it all with a cold, frothy, 3-years-in-the-making beer in your hand. It’s Coney Island Brewery’s third anniversary and they’ll be releasing their new Tarot Gone Gose, along with a live tarot reader, strong man hammer competition, djs spinning all day, and you, sipping and hammer throwing and throwing it down and toeing the line and etc. Just be there. Info here. 2-10pm, 1904 Surf Ave.
SUNDAY
Chicken Shit Bingo at Bushwick City Farm
I’m from Virginia and have spent plenty of time on farms and have still never found a way to turn foul feces into finances. but here in a town of hustlers, why does it not surprise me that someone has? Our friends at Bushwick City Farm are holding their fourth annual chicken shit bingo fundraiser, which is pretty much just as it sounds. Partygoers buy a square on a large game board for $5 and their resident chickens, full of a shit-worthy meal, prance and dance around until they let it loose. And if when do-do, you win a prize. In addition to poo, the event will also have a hand-made pinata, cargo bike hay rides, live music, food and dranks. And non-game board bathrooms for humans to use, in case you were wondering. All info here, 3-8pm, 354 Stockton St.
Dusty Rose Vintage Sidewalk Sale in Greenpoint
Wardrobe feeling dusty but you have an innate desire not to add to the colossal waste that our planet is continuously producing? Yeah, me too. Dust off that weary heart and get yourself some new old threads. Greenpoint’s best and (basically) first vintage store pours its products out onto the sidewalk for you to dig through and find yourself in, indefinitely. Get there early. Because imma scoop up all the good stuff. Info here. Noon-5pm, 251 Greenpoint Ave.
NY Mead Day at Honey’s in Bushwick
Hey there honey. Yeah, I’m talking to you sweet thing. Let’s step up that wine game and learn a little something to brag to your friends about while also getting a little tipsy this Sunday. It’s mead day. And what does that mean to you? Nothing yet. But it will soon. Mead is the world’s oldest alcoholic beverage so where they fuck have you been. The event is free. Info here. 2-6pm. 93 Scott Ave.
Yoga in the Pop-Up Park in Williamsburg
Wait, what? Regular yoga? No inebriation? No baby goats? No nudity? Just yoga as it was originally and spiritually intended? Uncloud your understanding of this ancient practice and get twisted in a very physical sense at the pop-up park. Yeah. It’s a pop-up park. Just don’t think too much about it. Bring your own mat and join Hosh yoga for an all-levels yoga session and salute the actual sun, outdoors. It’s like hot yoga in the way that it’s August in New York. And you’ll be doing yoga. Info here. it’s free.
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