The Weekend Guide | 20-23 December 2018

All the best ways to secure your position on the naughty list this weekend.

I’ve found all the best ways to secure your position on Santa’s naughty list this weekend. This weekend will let you burn away all of your grievances from 2018, will have you feeling dark and drinking darker, will make the rockettes look like first grade teachers, and will allow you to admit what you really want for Christmas.

 Get to it, there isn’t much time. 

THURSDAY

All I Want for Christmas is Acid at Good Room in Greenpoint

I at least want to pretend that I was good this year, that even my worst decisions started with good intentions. Throw all of that shit out the window this Thursday because to be honest, it’s way too late. Let’s just admit that we’re a bunch of fucking heathens. It’s the All I Want for Christmas is Acid dance party at Good Room. Come and dance all night to Detroit and Chicago non-stop acid and mid-western house. Tickets, $15 available here 10-4am, 98 Meserole Ave at Good Room, where no good can come of it.™

Burning of Grievances, somewhere in Brooklyn

2018 is ending. And that gives us an opportunity to renew our spirits and our bodies and our hearts, to leave the grievances and hardships of the year in the past and go forth cleansed and hopeful. Make sure those grievances don’t stand a chance at crossing over at the Burning of Grievances. It’s a party and a public cleansing and basically a mini Brooklyn burning man, The party starts in DUMBO then the brass band-led parade ferries up to Williamsburg, onto the L, and somewhere off the Halsey for the burning and ceremonial dancing. Tickets are going fast, get yours here now. Location TBD.

Soulstice Stouts for the Darkest Day of the Year Party at the Well in Bushwick

Soulstice Stouts and Holiday Films at the Well It might be the darkest day of the year, but the Well is trying to brighten it up a bit. Come celebrate the darkness with some soul-baring solstice stouts and holiday films. get into the spirit, come over to the dark side, drink beers. It starts at … (ps they’ll have other drinks too). Info here, 6pm-2am, 272 Meserole at The Well. Be like Timmy, fall into The Well.

FRIDAY

Chow x Judaism at the Museum of Food and Drink in Williamsburg

The longstanding Jewish tradition of eating Chinese food on Christmas seems to just make sense now, but how did it happen? Did Jews discover Chinese food or did the Chinese restaurants discover Jewish customers? Come and ask all of these questions and embark on an edible exploration of this conundrum and drink free beers from the Brooklyn Brewery and get your fortune told by a cookie. It’s happening 6:30-9pm, tickets and info here. 62 Bayard St.

Smorgasburg and VICE Night Market at Villain in Williamsburg

There is a LOT of market noise happening up until the holidays, so how do you navigate through those narrow little pathways dotted with hopeful or hopeless artisans and their spread of clever baby onesies/clocks made out of books made out of clocks/used glass eye jewelry/knitted panties? You trust me. You trust me and you go to the Smorgasburg and VICE night market this Friday and every Friday night until Christmas. Trust me, they know how to do it right. Funky foods, funky beats, funky gifts, and a chance to party on the VICE bus. Free to enter but also there are packages. All of that info is here. It’s happening 6pm-midnight at Villain, 307 Kent Ave.

Morbid Hour, Dark Beer at KCBC in Bushwick

Friday is the darkest day of the year (or I suppose it’s Thursday to Friday?), and that means we’re all tempted to join the dark side, to succumb to the deep dark cold of winter, to relinquish all of our best intentions for evil, to pretend to like Star Wars. Our friends at KCBC want to help envelope you into darkness with their Darkest Day of the Year celebration, featuring their new Morbid Hour dark beer on tap and in collaboration with St. Vitus and Traze Pizza, so things will be dark and metally and delicious. The lights will be low, the music will be low, and there will be no hand checks. Info here, it all happens 5-11pm at KCBC, 381 Troutman St.

SATURDAY

Nutcracker Rouge at Company XIV in Bushwick

Be honest with yourself. There’s no more need for the “naughty or nice” bit this year. You’re getting coal and switches (ooh!) this year and that was pretty much determined before the end of 2017. So let’s get really good and naughty here as Christmas approaches by going to this dirty iteration of a Holiday classic. It’s the Nutcracker Rouge, a kinky burlesque cabaret ballet that reinterprets the classic coming-of-age tale as one of sexual awakening. It runs now through 1/13 but go before Christmas. Don’t ruin it for yourself next year. Tickets are $75 and are available here. 383 Troutman St.

House of Yes Christmas Spectacular in Bushwick

This is one of my favorite New York holiday traditions. The Christmas Spectacular at House of Yes is a festive, immersive holiday adventure that combines traditional songs and stories and then completely flips them upside down and strips them away and interprets them with aerialists, dancing gifts, sexy reindeer, Mariah Carey, milk and cookies, and so many surprises under the tree you’ll question whether or not you’ve actually been good this year. (Trust me, you haven’t.) Tickets, $35 are available here. Shows are Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, 7-10pm. 2 Wyckoff Ave at House of Yes, the place for naughty boys and girls.

Full Moon Party at House of Yes in Bushwick

Full Moon Party Winter Solstice House of Yes The last full moon of the year carries within it 12 months of impurities, of insecurities, of mistakes and misgivings and the need to let it all go. Bring it all here tonight and feel it shed away from you by the light of the full moon. Be renewed. Embrace the cycles of time and cleanse yourself in the movement of the sacred dancefloor. Rise to the vibe in celestial connections and the glow of your solstice soul. Honor abundance in a ritual of nightlife and intention. Light the candles, burn the fires, the night is ours. Tickets and info here. 2 Wykckoff Ave.

SUNDAY

Get Your Panties In A Brunch at Bizarre Bushwick

Sundays can be inconvenient, but don’t get your panties in a bunch. Get them in a brunch. Leave it to the best in the business, the best in the bizarrest, the weirdest and nearest and dearest, in Bushwick. Feel better about your bad decisions this Sunday. Or make more. You choose, just drag yourself out to this drag brunch and see what happens, from noon to 4pm, at 12 Jefferson St. all the strange details are right here.