Hey Brooklyn. I’m not trying to string you along here. I’m here to light you up, to take you out, to paint you and the town red and green and get really fucking festive with you. Honestly, that’s what I’m here to do. So fight through that seasonal slump and come along with me. This weekend will take you’ll be partying in a church with real friars as bartenders, going back in time to the 80s where skiing was uber fashionable and unlimited beer is $20, making obedient beetles do human things and witness the nutcracker is turn naughty.
Come on, get out there. You can curl up in front of the fire with a good book when you’re dead.
THINGS TO DO IN BROOKLYN ON THURSDAY
The Lot Radio at San Damiano Mission in Greenpoint
Come, enjoy a bit of the sacrament along with a whiskey and give an offering in the form of dance beats, you new-age little drummer boy you. The Lot Radio, that little bermuda triangle of happiness and love and damn good music and pink lawn flamingos and coffee and a hammock, if you’re lucky! (ok sorry, you get it). THE LOT RADIO takes their style and flavor just across the street to join the San Damiano Mission and fill those holy walls with joyful noises. And you want to be there. Because the last time you partied in a church it was for Jesus’s birthday and you were confused as to whether or not you were allowed to eat the cake without him. (or was that just me?) GET TICKETS HERE NOW because these parties always sell out. The party goes from 8-11pm. Then let’s go to the Gutter. 85 N 15th St. Thanks the Lot!™ The Gutter, Keep Your Mind In It.™
Miso Making Class at Brooklyn Brainery in Prospect Heights
What do we really know about Miso other than it’s the mysterious flotsam floating around in our pre-sushi soups, settling into some tea leaf-like arrangement that we know is trying to communicate to us something significant about our future? The lovely people at Brooklyn Brainery want to enlighten us. They’ll be teaching about the beauty and complexity of this superfood so come, feed your curiosity and have some beers to quell your confusion with something familiar. Then take home your own miso. Tickets are $38 available here. 6:30-8:30pm. 190 Underhill Rd.
International Pop-Up Dinner with Rukiya Empanadas at the Diamond in Greenpoint
It’s Thursday night and that means you’re in need of a little comfort to get you through the rest of the week; some comfort in the form of a warm, meat-filled pillow, a cold, beer-filled mug, a welcoming, friend-filled bar in Greenpoint. Well LUCKY FUCKING Argentinianrgentenian Empanada night at the Diamond! That’s right baby. Come get your beer-filled mugs, meat-filled pillows, friend-filled establishment and maybe a shot of Catoctin Whiskey too, why not? It’s Thursday. And you’re going to make it. Dinner starts at 6:30 and goes until the empanadas run out on you. So don’t get fresh with them. Info here. 43 Franklin St.
THINGS TO DO IN BROOKLYN ON FRIDAY
Smorgasburg and VICE Night Market at Villain in Williamsburg
There is a LOT of market noise happening up until the holidays, so how do you navigate through those narrow little pathways dotted with hopeful or hopeless artisans and their spread of clever baby onesies/clocks made out of books made out of clocks/used glass eye jewelry/knitted panties? You trust me. You trust me and you go to the Smorgasburg and VICE night market this Friday and every Friday night until Christmas. Trust me, they know how to do it right. Funky foods, funky beats, funky gifts, and a chance to party on the VICE bus. Free to enter but also there are packages. All of that info is here. It’s happening 6pm-midnight at Villain, 307 Kent Ave.
Home for the Holidays: A Party to Stop Evictions at MayDay Space in Bushwick
If you’re unfamiliar with the MayDay Space in Bushwick, it’s basically the epicenter for Reveling with a Cause. It’s the best place to feel good about doing bad things. It’s where you want to go to give a lot and get a little somethin’ too. It’s a benevolent party space and this Friday they host the NYLAG: Tenant’s Rights’ Unit in a festive holiday banger to raise money for eviction defense lawyers. That’s right, get out of the house Friday night to help keep other people in their houses. The $35 ticket will get you an all-night open bar, free food, live music, and entry into the after-party. Get out there and #revelwithacause. Tickets available here. Party starts at 7:30pm, 176 Nicholas Ave.
Calicornucopia 7: The (holiday!) Affordable Art Fair at Calico Brooklyn in Greenpoint
Be proud that you aren’t in Miami right now because these festival-fueled “art” fairs have become an Instagrammable sensation that will continue to keep lesser-known artists for ever being able to compete or survive. Think I’m just being salty? Check in with Jerry Saltz and see what he thinks. Then head to Calico in Greenpoint for Calicornicopia 7, the last small, affordable art fair of the year. Friday night is the opening reception so go to it, then feel free to search for the perfect piece for that special someone now until the 22nd. 100+ artworks all priced below $300. 7-10pm. Info here, 67 West St, Ste 203.
White Out at House of Yes in Bushwick
Forget about the grand illumination. Let your spirit shine and all be merry and bright and white at Friday’s white out party. Dress all in white, move in pure illumination, dance yrself squeaky clean then get dirty enough that you can wear that same outfit to House of Yes’s Saturday night party (see below). Tickets $30 (or free before 11pm with RSVP) all info here. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.
THINGS TO DO IN BROOKLYN ON SATURDAY
Nutcracker Rouge at Theater XIV in Bushwick
Be honest with yourself. There’s no more need for the “naughty or nice” bit this year. You’re getting coal and switches (ooh!) this year and that was pretty much determined before the end of 2017. So let’s get really good and naughty here as Christmas approaches by going to this dirty iteration of a Holiday classic. It’s the Nutcracker Rouge, a kinky burlesque cabaret ballet that reinterprets the classic coming-of-age tale as one of sexual awakening. It runs now through 1/13 but go before Christmas. Don’t ruin it for yourself next year. Tickets are $75 and are available here. 383 Troutman St.
The Nutcracker at Hunter College in Manhattan
Or see Clara dance pretty in the original in the Upper East Side with all of those pretty little Upper East Siders where tickets are only $55 because they deserve to be rewarded for making good decisions but what they don’t know is that Santa spent most of his year watching US because it’s more fun.
Black Out Party at House of Yes in Bushwick
Hide in darkness, dance yourself into the depths at the Black Out part at House of Yes. Dress in all black – think leather, straps, lace, masks. Dance all night, see nothing, feel everything. Try not to actually black out. Wander off into the darkness. Go home with a new lover. Never again leave the darkside, or worry about stains really. Tickets, $30 (or free before 11pm with rsvp) available here. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.
Juicy Brews Winter Invitational Craft Beer Festival at 5 Boroughs Brewery in Sunset Park
I’ve got a juicy little tidbit for you. Hop Culture Magazine is descending upon Five Boroughs Brewing this Saturday for their annual Winter Invitational Craft Beer Festival. This year it’s 80’s apres ski themed, so grab your Pit Vipes and ski poles and fresh white powder and get there to spend a day among 25+ of the best local craft brewers with unlimited pours, local foods to soak them up, and live music to shake it all down (and hopefully not back up) (shake it a little less maybe). Tickets are only $20 which is insane. I’ll be apres to do just about anything for $20. (don’t DM me for details. thanks.) Get yours here now and then get there, noon-7pm, at 215 47th St.
BUST Craftacular at the Expo Center in Greenpoint
Get them something that says “I know you really well and I was thinking about you and then I purchased this absolutely perfect gift, just for you. Oh and also it was handmade.” Find something for everyone on your list and also talk to the makers, creators, movers, and shakers behind the goods. It’s the BUST Craftacular at the Expo Center, and it’s happening this Saturday and Sunday only. Free admission, 150+ vendors. Plus food, activities, talks, fun. All info here, 11am-7pm, 72 Noble St. Be there or BUST. (ok that one was easy.)
Santa Con Nowhere In Brooklyn This Year
Fuck Santa Con and what it does to this city and how badly it ruins the dreams of children to see Santa pissing in phone booths and vomiting on the subway and screaming at her boyfriend in a very uncharacteristically, jolly-less way. And yes, ok, I did it once. Ok, twice. I get it. But that was BEFORE it got so out of control. So just a heads up Santas, watch for these signs and don’t even try to get in. Stay in Murray Hill where you belong. And hey listen, good on you Union Pool for making an effort to be douche-less for one day of the year. I get it, you can’t help it, and this is really the only sign you can legally put up in order to keep them out. I’m sorry we’ve all stopped coming and trying to keep you cool. Williamsburg is lost. Goodbye.
THINGS TO DO IN BROOKLYN ON SUNDAY
Beetle Diorama Class at Quimby’s Bookstore in Williamsburg
DIY gifts are almost always best, except when they intend to inflict fear upon the receiver. Or hey, maybe you know a lot of insect enthusiasts and you also enjoy delicately piercing exoskeletons on Sunday evenings. Decide if this class is for you or meant for someone on your list and also please remove me from your list. It’s a DIY diorama class that uses rhinoceros beetles, which are about 1/18th the size of humans and very posable even in death. Bringing dollhouse props is encouraged as these dead beetles will do basically anything. Really. Leave with your own shadowboxed delight. Tickets must be purchased ahead of time right here for $65 whether you’re a student or a regular person. It’s happening at 5pm, 536 Metropolitan Ave.
A Christmas Market for People Who Don’t Like Christmas Markets at Threes Brewing in Gowanus
Christmas markets are great. But sometimes drifting from booth to booth, perusing over the handmade, passionately crafted goods of someone as you imagine if said good is good enough to give to whoever is on your list feels a bit empty. W&P Design, the brother duo who let us know that cocktailing can be fun and for everyone, wants to shake up the scene, stir up some gossip, and pour out nothing but happiness and holiday cheer and check-offs on your gift list. Come so much more than peruse; Booze!™ Come see what they’re all about and drink some damn fine beers at Threes Brewing this Sunday. It’s happening from noon-6pm. Info here, 333 Douglass St at Threes Brewing, I’ll try anything thrice!™
Get out there Brooklyn.
I’ll be looking for you.
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