i never knew these magic little tree-netting machines existed until i moved to brooklyn. and now they have come to represent so much of the holidays in the city for me. all that potential, alive and wrapped up. and not to get too sappy, but i want to dive right into it. i want to have a net woven around me where some brooklynites carry me back to their apartment and see how i fit and then over time i become part of their lives. for a moment or a season or forever.
OH WAIT. that’s exactly what is happening right now, as you’re reading this. bring me home this holiday season. and every single day after that. i’m merry as fuck, all year round. and i’m the best and the brightest in this whole bunch. or, at least, the one you’re giving your attention to right now. hold on to me brooklyn, let’s spread some cheer this weekend.
go.to.bon.iver.every.night.
this is easily the most prophetic artist of our generation. you have no excuses. buy tickets, go see him. i will go again, with you. twice.
THURSDAY
tonight, for example, would be a great night to go see bon iver.
Best of Brooklyn Walking Tour does Williamsburg. In Williamsburg.
dearest brooklynites – does thursday find you hungover? strung out? did you recently get in a bar fight and are still nursing a hideous black eye? did you accidentally get a gnarly face tattoo? do you have any skin rashes currently or always? have you found yourself unable to control your farts? then please strategically place yourself along the route of this walking tour. why? because this walking tour is an “introduction” to brooklyn, it’s mission to make others understand “why brooklyn is so much FUN!” and has “future domino sugar factory residents” written all over it. bring me your tired, your weary, and let’s help send these pedestrians back across the river. it’s not fun here, ok? murray hill is fun. complaining about uber surge pricing is fun. binge watching gilmore girls is fun. brooklyn is dangerous and it’s smelly and it’s inconvenient and its out of your way and it’s ours. now GIT. more info here.
Cambodian Noodle Dinner at The Diamond
what do you do when the greatest bar in the neighborhood invites a chef from cambodia to host a pop-up noodle dinner? well, you fucking go and you eat the noodles. that’s what you do. it’s happening on thursday at the diamond in greenpoint. noodles. cambodian spices. shuffleboard. and that charming little ski pagoda love hut in the back yard that is just perfect for a little post-dinner makeout sesh. yes, that is lemongrass on my breath. and its on yours too.6pm until the food (and the love) runs out. all info here. 43 franklin st at the diamond, where all that glitters… is everything.™
Salsa Party at the Brooklyn Museum, Prospect Heights.
i read recently this description of life in new york, about how at some point you’ll find yourself crying in public and everyone will politely ignore you, that your apartment will become like a lover you hang on to way way too long, and you’ll adopt some obscure hobby. well, mine (or, one of them) is salsa dancing. and i want it to be yours too. part of the thursday night series at the brooklyn museum, this week they’re bringing in professional salsa dancers to teach you and twist you and grab you and do all of those things that add up to the exact reason i have adopted this as my hobby. come, it’s free. 6-10pm, all info here. 200 eastern pkwy.
Poliça, The Drums, It Will and friends at St. Vitus in Greenpoint.
i’d give anything to hear this song played live and loud. actually, i’d give about $20 and 3 hours of my precious time, and however long it takes me to talk up to manhattan ave. thursday night. poliça plays alongside the drums and it will and it’s going to be live and loud and what you’re doing thursday night. besides, any band that puts that squishy little ç in their name is so so okay in my book and in my ears. all info here. 1120 manhattan ave at st. vitus.
Rainbow Kitten Surprise at Knitting Factory, Williamsburg.
rainbows. kittens. surprises. three of the greatest things that exist, and this band, rainbow kitten surprise, is like a pretty close fourth. they play at the knitting factory thursday night. and it’s sold out. so, little PSA here- if you have tickets, i am now your date. SURPRISE. holler at me. all info here if you want it but that is rather masochistic. 361 metropolitan ave.
Brooklyn Loves Oakloand Fundraiser, House of Yes.
there is nothing more heartbreaking than what happened in oaklandt. a beautiful community of lovers and artists and dreamers, torn apart. let’s show our support in the best way we know how and commemorate their lives in the way they were living theirs. this fundraiser thrown by mean red and zero presents, easily the best party groups in brooklyn. at the best venue in the entire world. come together and let’s appreciate this devastatingly sacred life that we share. all info here. free, 11pm-4am. 2 wyckoff ave at house of yes.
FRIDAY
tonight would also be a great night to go see bon iver.
Mccarren Park Rooftop Dance Party, Williamsburg.
ah, the mccarren park hotel! that fancy little gem at the edge of the park that throws dope parties that you want to be at. friday night is no exception. they host dj wilki and jordan james plus a few friends. the party is free, all info right here. 8pm-2am, see you up there. 160 n 12th st.
6th Annual No Office Party with Brokelyn and The Skint
because we all are obligated to suffer through our own office parties, our friends at brokelyn and the skint are throwing one that we get to voluntarily participate in, without the massive hangover of regret shrouding us in shame the next day. tickets and info right here. $5-8, 8pm-2am, 622 degraw st at littlefield.
Big Dance Party at The Well
Christmas Pop Sing-Along at Union Hall, Park Slope.
Just admit it. Christmas songs are fucking catchy as hell and it’s your guilty pleasure to turn them up, real loud, and ride around in your car and sing at the top of your lungs and even do the sound effects. You do. Well, we live in Brooklyn and we don’t have cars but we do have the Christmas spirit and a need to belt out little st nick. So let’s all do it together at union hall Friday night for a good old fashioned sing along. Christmas style. $10, party starts at 930pm. all other info here. 702 union st. at union hall.
Honey’s Holiday FAIR
Burnt out already on Christmas shopping because you binged through all of the markets on this fantastic Christmas market guide? Oh honey that’s fair. but you missed one. It’s honeys holiday fair sponsored by enlightenment wines and its this weekend only. Go. have honey wine. find out you have a need for mead. Already crossed everyone off your list? Well Make a new friend and add them to your list then find them the perfect gift. all info here. 93 scott ave. at honey’s brooklyn- so fucking sweet.™
SATURDAY
tonight would be a great night to go see bon iver as well.
LoftOpera presents Macbeth at the Mast Brothers Chocolate Factory at the Brooklyn Navy Yard.
we live here because we have the entire world at our fingertips. there are so many artists and visionaries collaborating to create amazing experiences for our entertainment and sense of wonder. saturday night brings us some of the best. our good friends at loftopera enter the mast brothers chocolate factory for a performance like no other. Macbeth in a stunning, historic factory space that smells like chocolate. $40 gets you in the door and licking the chocolate off of your fingers while you compare the performance to the pirates of penzance. tickets and info here. 7-10pm in the brooklyn navy yard, building #128. at loftopera, where everything is just a bit higher than you planned.
Ibiza Love Child 24-hour Market, Williamsburg.
i once had an ibiza love child. she arrived rather unexpectantly but was beautiful and pure and wild and nearly impossible to control. and i named her molly. and that story was wildly inappropriate. who cares. this is my space. my motherfucking rules. ANYWAY, ibiza love child is also apparently a pretty sick clothing label. and they are having a pop-up just across from the william vale in williamsburg. what is that you ask? oh it’s that hideous monstrosity interrupting our beautiful skyline but also has some of the greatest views in the entire city. and, gets you quite high. this 24-hour shopping experience is from noon to noon saturday to sunday. other information (without the drug references (lame.)) here. 29 wythe ave
Bulletin Market at the William Vale, Williamsburg.
oh well speak of the devil! the william vale wants to disruptively get in the mix, as it is want to do. and this time, with our ovely friends from bulletin market. i love these guys. and i love this view (link?). go, browse, shop, drink, live, love, etc etc. also featuring jazz music coordinated by loftopera and djs from supply new york. yeah. it’s all the best shit. just for you. all info here, 55wythe ave at the william vale. you literally cannot miss it.
Matt Pond PA at Knitting Factory, Williamsburg.
AH knitting facotry, just weaving us the perfect little weekend of music and fantasy! matt pond pa graces us with his presence saturday night and you and i should go. tickets. $16. show is at 7pm. all info and tickets here. 361 metropolitan ave. there is a rad dance party after, so just stay all night (with me).
Brooklyn Boulders Birthday Party featuring Washed Out, at Brooklyn Boulgerd, in Gowanus.it’s brooklyn boulders frist birthday! holy cow. so you know this party is going to rock. you also know that i absolutely couldn’t resist that pun. i can’t. and if punning you is a crime baby then lock me up and throw away the key, i don’t want to be good. ever again. party starts at 830pm and ends at 1130pm. all info here. 575 degraw st.
SUNDAY
Atlantic Ave Shop and Dine, in Carroll Gardens.
there is simply nothing more charming than popping into shops with @haneahea88 along atlantic ave. no i mean it, nothing. so much so that atlantic ave has decided to commemorate the annual event with 10% off food and such. so why don’t you go? you just might get a glimpse of miss atlantic ave herself. and her partner in crime @iamliznorm. go, browse, shop, dine, live. come out with us later. because we fucking cool yo. all info here.
Brooklyn Kitchen Holiday Pop-Up, Williamsburg.
god this place is the best. after their weekend of anniversary festivities i started to ask them if i could move in but then i wasn’t sure if that was too soon. instead im just going to spend as much time as possible there, especially sunday at their holiday pop-up with phaidon. what does that mean? the answer to what to get all of the food lovers on your list. plus they have this country ham from kentucky that i actively dream about. so get some of that for you. all info here. 10am-4pm. 100 frost st.
Brooklyn Bump Brunch at Maman in Williamsburg.
depending on how bad your bad decisions get this weekend, maybe go to this. it’s a brunch for those with baby bumps, at maman… because some has to put the “mama” in sexy mama. $45, all info here. 80 kent st.
my love for you is evergreen, brooklyn.
let’s all get merry.
<3L.
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