Oh, Brooklyn. You’re so iconic. Everyone knows that this is the place to find all the wild shit, to do all the weird shit, to find parties and people and music and life and art and experience it all in a way that you simply can’t anywhere else in the world.
And I’ve just made it so much easier for you to find all of it. Your weekend guide is ready and waiting. Dive in, let’s do this.
Things to do in Brooklyn on Thursday
Family Dinner at Archestratus in Greenpoint
Aren’t we all kind of orphans in this sprawling metropolis, seeking a sense of belonging, of comfort, of home? Find that feeling and the food and company that go along with it this Thursday at Archestratus’s family dinner. It isn’t fancy, it won’t be ambitious, it will be unpretentious and delicious and led by cookbook author and chef Hetty McKinnon and it will make you feel right at home. Get your tickets here now, they always go quickly. Three courses, $50, 7pm. 160 Huron St.
Yoga in the Brooklyn Naval Cemetery
If you know me, you know I have a severe aversion against yoga fusions. But yoga in an arguably hidden spot in the borough, breaking out your warriors 1 and 2 amidst dead soldiers and shaking up some souls during your shavasana sounds both spooky and dope. Which is a fine line I like find myself walking often. Come to yoga in the cemetery and well, just keep one eye open and be aware of an added “OOooOOOOooo!” among the “Ohhhhhhhmmmms”. Bring your own mat and ghostbuster kit. Info here. 6:30-7:30pm, 63 Williamsburg St. W.
Funk of the Month: Jamiroquai vs Prince at Threes Brewing in Gowanus
My favorite brewery in the borough stands out for its funky, farmy, hazy, crazy brews and is throwing a party that promises to make it even funkier. This Thursday night come get your funk on with their monthly dance party, this time their putting the Space Cowboy vs The Purple One. Canned Heat vs Kiss. A symbol vs a name you have trouble pronouncing. It’s all descending upon the dance floor so get out there with a funky beer in hand and get loose baby. Info here, 8-11pm. 333 Douglass St.
Things to do in Brooklyn on Friday
Black Coffee at Brooklyn Mirage in Bushwick
I hate leaving Ibiza. Mostly because it’s really hard to reignite all of your synapses and remember your own name and get your sense of smell back, but also because fucking nothing matches the party scene there. Nothing. So when it descends upon us? Well, we should all celebrate. And celebrate we will with Black Coffee at the Brooklyn Mirage this Friday night. The last time I saw him was at closing parties in Ibiza, and this time he’ll be opening the season at Brooklyn’s favorite open-air party venue. This is where you want to be Friday night. Tickets, $60 are going super fast. Get yours here now, and see out there, in the open air, 10pm-4:30am. 140 Stewart Ave.
Pink Mammoth 15th Anniversary Party at House of Yes in Bushwick
Remember when pink was just pink and not millennial pink and people didn’t flock to the same cute pink cafes to photograph eggs on surfaces and themselves holding foods they aren’t eating against a pink wall with just the right of added blush to their cheeks? I do, and so does Pink Mammoth, the original pink party on the Playa. They’ll be celebrating their 15th anniversary Friday night and turning House of Yes into a pink playground. So go get over millennial pink and millennials in general and party in your pinkest duds and with your pinkest buds, all night. Tickets start at $10 and are available here. 10pm-5am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.
Guerilla Toss and Godcaster at the new Gran Torino in Williamsburg
Celebrate the transformation and reopening to the space formerly known as Diviera Drive this Friday night and help christen the new Gran Torino, a transformative, inventive, and ambitious spacial project that will warm you up to its new look and feel in all the right ways – with free tequila, free mezcal, two amazing bands to see for free because your entry is free and all of this will make you feel young, wild, and free all night. God bless you, Gran Torino. Come see Guerilla Toss and Godcaster tear it up all night, from 8pm ’til late. All of this can be yours with an RSVP here. 131 Berry St.
Things to Do in Brooklyn on Saturday
Regenerate: The Cityfox Experience at the Brooklyn Mirage in Bushwick
Didn’t get tickets in time to see Black Coffee blow the roof off of the Brooklyn Mirage Friday night? Come to their second opening weekend party which promises to be just as momentous, just as raucous, and just as roofless. Cityfox kicks off their party series and trust me when I say, this is the party you want to be at this weekend. 10 DJs, live performances, visual art projected over the entire space, and 4 floors of outdoor entertainment to get lost within, all night. Get tickets now right here, they will sell out. Party goes from 7pm-4:30am, 140 Stewart Ave.
Cafe Mambo Ibiza at House of Yes in Bushwick
In case you missed this above, I hate leaving Ibiza. Mostly because it’s really hard to reignite all of your synapses and remember your own name and get your sense of smell back, but also because fucking nothing matches the party scene there. Nothing. So when it descends upon us? Well, we should all celebrate. And celebrate we will with Cafe Mambo and House of Yes Saturday night. They’ll bring all the magic and mayhem of the island to our favorite party oasis, so dress in your brightest tropical attire and dance all night. Tickets available here. 2 Wyckoff Ave.
A Current Affair Vintage Marketplace at Industry City, Sunset Park
Following the success of the indoor Brooklyn flea market, this pop-up vintage fair features 80+ “premier” vintage retailers (premier vintage? what is that, like it was worn by nobility in its former life?? OH, that’s to justify the pricetag. ok. well, hey, do what you gotta do.), plus fancy bites, drinks, and plenty of racks, spaces, and surfaces to rummage through. For real, this is the place to find that stunning kimono you’ve been dreaming of, or the offbeat wedding dress you’ll save until… well, whenever. It’s happening both Saturday and Sunday, so get lost in here for a while. $15 admission. Tickets and info here. 10am-6pm, 238 36th St.
Dead Distillers Trolley Tour through Green-Wood Cemetery, plus a whiskey tasting
Get into the spirit by taking a trolley tour through a graveyard and learning about dead spirit makers. In collaboration with Kings County Distillery, Green-Wood Cemetery will take you on a spooky trolley tour based on Kings Co. Head Distiller Colin Spoelman’s book “Dead Distillers: A History of the Upstarts and Outlaws who Made American Spirits”. The trolley will then drop you off at Kings Co Distillery for a tour and tasting. Tickets, $40 available here. Let’s get spooky, baby. Check in at the Gothic Arches at 2pm.
Ascend Ascend at the San Damiano Mission in Greenpoint
Come experience a public ritual for personal transformation from within a church this Saturday night when poet Janaka Stucky will be performing, transforming, and somehow reborn-ing. Her newest collection of poems was written over the course of 20 days coming in and out of trance states while secluded in the tower of a 100-year old church. This Saturday’s performance will be one long poem documents the ecstatic destruction of the self through its union with the divine, plus leave with the book! And maybe, transformed yourself! This is one of those things that you can only find here, and the people from Atlas Obscura are behind it, so follow your curiosity and go. Tickets, $38, available here. 9-11pm, 85 N 15th St. After party at The Lot!
Tipsy Scoop Brooklyn Grand Opening Party
I’m so sick of people thinking it’s so clever to say, “I’m just going to drink my dessert…” before looking naughtily into their glass of luke-warm Sauvignon Blanc. That is not dessert. But, lucky for all of us, we’ll never have to choose again thanks to the Tipsy Scoop! Boozey desserts that are all way better than whatever “indulgement” is in your wine glass. Saturday they’ll be giving away $1 scoops of (C)old Fashioneds made with Wild Turkey 101 so you should go. They open at noon. Info here. 270 Metropolitan Ave.
Things to do in Brooklyn on Sunday
Call your mom.
This Won’t Hurt: A Benefit for the Brooklyn Free Clinic at the Bell House in Gowanus
Tell your mom you did something good in honor of Mother’s Day, and then actually do something good and feel good about doing it. It’s This Won’t Hurt, a benefit for the BFC. Come laugh along with 5 local comedians, see a live performance by the p53’s, participate in a silent auction all while you #revelwithacause. Tickets, $15 available here. Doors at 5, comedy at 5:30pm. 149 7th St.
The 5th Annual Crawfish Boil at Threes Brewing in Gowanus
Save yourself from the perils of every Mother’s Day brunch in the city and instead, bring mom (or your friends!) to the fifth annual crawfish boil at Threes! They’re teaming up with Chef Jean-Paul Bourgeois and of course, the Meat Hook, to bring you a day of crawfish pickin, potato eatin, beer drinkin, corn chompin, and dancing it all off this Sunday. Two 4 hour sessions, all you can eat with one drink or unlimited, $55 or $100. Get your tickets here now and then get there. 333 Douglass St.
Power Prom at House of Yes in Bushwick
Celebrate mothers everywhere, and their daughters, sisters, girlfriends, grandmothers and all of the women in between with this amazing day of feminine festivities at House of Yes to benefit Miss Amazing, a truly amazing nonprofit on a mission to provide personal development opportunities that build self-esteem in girls and women with disabilities. So go, #revelwithacause with rising woman djs and artists, complimentary gifts from Absolute New York, a live painter, ballerina performances, hair and makeup stations and other surprises. Tickets, $20 all go to benefit Miss Amazing. Get yours here now, then get there, 3-8pm at 2 Wyckoff Ave.
Protest Key Food Stores for the Mothers
Ok listen, I can’t figure out what the hell is going on at Key Food or who to believe but I promise I’ll get to the bottom of it. If you haven’t heard, there’s been aggressive protesting outside the Key food on McGuinness and I don’t know who to believe. They haven’t had a protest in 82 years, and now this? The union is kicking it into high gear Sunday, and they want you to come out and show your support for the mother’s that are being affected by not being allowed to work in the meat department at their Sunset Park location. As expected, Key Food is telling a completely different story. Also, this Facebook event was created by Just Sharin’! or maybe it’s, Just Stirrin’ the Pot! I don’t know who to believe, but stay tuned for the expose (I’m not kidding.) Until then, maybe let’s meat elsewhere? Info here.
MONDAY
…is my half birthday. Which also means it’s the day my debit card secret code is super relevant. Wish me a happy half-birthday, and forget the other thing I just said.
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