Until, of course, the snow plow comes barreling down the street, turning everything to grey slush, including you standing there doughy-eyed in what you thought was a water-resistant coat, holding your cup of coffee.
Let me help you capture these moments of magic before they turn to filth. How? By showing you how all of the amazing things that this city is offering are right at your shivering little fingertips. You just have to reach out and grab hold. Go out there and get at it, because the proverbial snow plow we call “Monday” doesn’t wait. It’s your weekend, Brooklyn. I’m just planning it.
THURSDAY
Re/IMAGINE: Holiday Benefit at the William Vale in Williamsburg
It’s time we all forgive the William Vale for obstructing our view and arguably spawning the onset of the Meatpacking of Brooklyn. Why? Because it’s sure as fuck not going anywhere. And because they have dope events like this: a benefit and collaboration with we are SUPERNATURAL, Peace Accelerators, and Future Clear, they’re taking over and transforming the iconic ballroom at the Vale and creating an experience that transcends time and space and human limitation and promises to bring you into the new year with hope and vision and serenity. Meaning art installations, performances, djs all night, meditation sanctuary, virtual reality, a market and speed-bartering session and surprises I can’t tell you about right here. Oh, and all proceeds to go No Kid Hungry, so you’ll be reveling with a cause. Tickets are pay-what-you-can and are available here. 7pm to midnight, 111 N. 12th St.
Midnights Brooklyn Winter Holiday Garden, in Williamsburg
Turn your holiday inside-out this Thursday night by getting in to the spirited winter holiday garden at Midnights Brooklyn. They’ve transformed their terrace into a magical winter wonderland just for you and your friends to have festive cocktails and warm conversations and get a little whiskey-frisky. Plus they have one of those trees (link to christmas vacay) that we normally bring indoors for the holidays, so it’s like outside and inside but outside still. Anyway, it’s bright and happy tree and wants to see you tonight. Happy hour 4:30-7pm, and hours that are still full of fucking merriment after that until 4am. Info here. 149 N. 6th St.
FRIDAY
Night at the Museum: Artist Holiday Party at MoMA PS1 in Long Island City
There’s a reason we left home. We hungry pioneers flocked to the promiseland of Breukelen in search of mischief and excitement and movement and art and drugs and love and artisanal baked goods. And what does that mean around the holiday season? It means that instead of overdone tacky Christmas house parties and suburban cookie swaps, we get to go and get festive as fuck at an artists holiday party in a lifesized snow globe while dancing all night to 5 dope djs and drink dangerously spiked holiday cocktails and eat the most artisanal of treats from M. Wells and Van Leeuwen and if we need a break, we can wander around a world-renowned modern art museum at night and get lost with old lovers and new lovers and get your merry on. Tickets are $15 available here. Party goes from 8-midnight. 22-25 Jackson Ave.
Holiday Collection Release Party at Walk the West in Greenpoint
New Year’s Eve in this city is equal parts pure joyful celebration and also a huge pain in the ass. What to do, where to be, who to kiss, and what the fuck to wear. Instead of scouring endless webpages of sparkly temptations that are out of your holiday-stricken budget and will ultimately be disposable, go find your NYE outfit at Greenpoint’s vintage gem Walk the West this Friday at the release of their holiday collection. They’ll be popping bubbly and helping you look damn fine when you welcome 2018. We Who Prey will also be adding their funky fresh designs (boobie pins!) to complete your look. The event goes from 5-10pm. 150 Franklin St.
Leif Vollebekk and Little Scream at Rough Trade in Williamsburg
If you haven’t listened to this man’s amazing music, start right here right now, and then get tickets to this show and be surrounded by his emotionally gripping and deeply soulful sound. He joins the stage with Little Scream. Tickets are only $14, get them here. Show starts at 9pm.
Littlefield Birthday Party for December Babies in Gowanus
Ok, ok I get it. You December babies always feel left out. Having your birthday lumped in with the holidays totally sucks and Littlefield wants to recognize you guys this Friday night with a birthday party for all of you, with everything you missed out on as a kid. Tons of booze, for one. Plus birthday cake, balloon animals, a magic act, a photo booth, goodie bags, and a room full of people who are here just for you and your birthday, finally. DJ Dunwill will keep your hips moving all night. Free for December babies, $5 for all of your friends, costumes are encouraged. 10:30-4am. Info here. 635 Sackett St.
Silent Barn’s Now Snow Ball Holiday Party in Bushwick
As the creative culture is on the rise, the opportunity to dress up and dilute awkward work conversations with liquor at a too-early hour and get shitty and fuck a coworker once a year is also going by the wayside. The holiday office party doesn’t exist without an office, so join the one at Silent Barn in Bushwick. This multiuse creative and collaborative space is the workplace you thought you’d never have, so come celebrate. Get shitty at a reasonable hour. Fuck a non-coworker and don’t feel awkward seeing them at the Keurig the next day. It’s all happening from 11:55-4am. Info here, 603 Bushwick Ave.
SATURDAY
Parklife Holiday Market in Gowanus
Everyone’s favorite venue in Gowanus opened up Parklife in the beginning of this year thanks to local support and now they’re giving this space back to you to help you give to others. It’s a fucking neverending wreath of giving and you need to get in on it. Come to their holiday market this weekend only and find that perfect gift. Plus eat tacos from Taqueria El Atoradero and take advantage of every holiday drink special. More info here, Saturday and Sunday noon-8pm, 636 Degraw St.
Romy and Michelle’s Afternoon Tea Party at C’Mon Everybody in Bushwick
Because everyone needs a better excuse to party on Saturday afternoon other than “we just extended brunch…” And the businesswomen who invented Post-It’s are giving you one. It’s Romy and Michelle’s Afternoon Tea Dance Party at C’Mon Everybody, which means it’s a funky 90s midday party that you want to be at. DJ Bright Light Bright Light will be spinning all day so come to this event and don’t give me any fucking excuses, like you cut your foot earlier and your shoe is slowly filling up with blood. Info here, 3-8pm, 325 Franklin Ave.
Deep Freeze Disco at Union Docs in Bushwick
It’s finally cold out. Like, really fucking cold. And the best way to combat this impending deep freeze is with some deep house and dope beats and warming up on the dance floor with all of your best friends and future lovers. Head to the Deep Freeze Disco at UnionDocs this weekend for their annual holiday party and get down with your naughty self. Admission is free, drinks are cheap, and they have a fucking backyard bonfire. All info here, 10:30pm-3:30am 322 Union Ave.
Ugly Sweater Art Run in Williamsburg.
In the age of fusion everything, it seems that any singular-dimensional event is simply of the past. I want my strippers to come with a side of sushi! I need to do my laundry while playing arcade games and drinking in a dive bar with my friends! I want to be fully immersed and enticed and confused and over-stimulated! I need to flaunt my tacky sweater while taking in as much street art as possible and also, working out! I need this. It’s my Christmas wish. Well baby, you got it. It’s the ugly sweater art run and it’s happening this Saturday in Williamsburg. This 5K run takes you through the wonderous streets of north Brooklyn while we all sweat in our sweaters and secrete last year’s egg nog. Sign up here for $25, 10am-noon. Meet at the Mccarren park Hotel, 160 N. 12th St.
SUNDAY
Sugar and Spice Holiday Market at Brooklyn Bazaar in Greenpoint
Christmas. Is. Coming. And that Christmas list is looming upon you whether you’ve been naughty or nice. Come to the Sugar and Spice Holiday Makers Market and both start and finish your shopping with handmade goods and indie gifts from local makers. Plus a free winter wonderland photobooth, by-donation tarot reading, and a full fucking bar means there’s a little something there for you too, you naughty little elf. Free entry (plus goodie bag for the first 20 customers!), 1-6pm, all info here. 150 Greenpoint Ave.
Deck the Hall and Oates at Knitting Factory in Williamsburg
Sick of Christmas tunes and tacky sweaters but wanting to get yo’ funk on this weekend and spread some fucking cheer in an unorthodox way? The Knitting Factory has got you covered. Sunday night they welcome back everyone’s favorite Hall + Oates cover band for a night of 80s tunes and funky-fresh grooves. $10/12 tickets available here. It’s all happening at 8pm. 361 Metropolitan Ave at The Knitting Factory, which is refreshingly devoid of tacky knitwear during the holidays.
Holiday Pop-Up at Threes Brewing in Greenpoint.
Holiday shopping is a pain in the ass, except when it’s accompanied by craft brews and live tunes and leaves you boozing and perusing through booths of vendors with handmade goods in a brewery tasting room in Greenpoint. Holiday shopping is fun again, Brooklyn. Head to Threes Brewing at Franklin + Kent this Sunday for their Holiday Pop-Up and get a head start on your shopping this year, and drink beers and eat snacks from the amazing Purslane kitchen. All info here, noon-6pm. 113 Franklin St. at Threes Brewing, I’ll try anything thrice™
Lights in the Heights Ride in Dyker Heights
Every town has their holiday traditions. In Mechanicsville, Virginia, just for example, Santa rides through the subdivisions atop a blaring firetruck and all of the families come out to greet him and HO HO HO back at him while every single neighborhood dog is losing its shit. It’s charming. And Brooklyn has this beautiful and tacky stretch of straight lit houses and invites you to come ride through, ringing your bike bell to the tune of Jingle Bells (really unsure about how that part works but whatev) and be thankful that your electricity bill is reasonably low. Meet up in Manhattan or Brooklyn, ride goes from 5:15-8pm. Free to ride, info here.
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